[Parody] Meditation is great and all... but why not relax while you release *all* of this tension? Empty mind, empty balls. That's my motto.

You've lost a loved one. That's incredibly hard. I hope you know that you're not along and I'm here for you.

Hey there sweetheart. I haven't seen you in so long. Why don't you help me bake some pies before you head back to college?

Where do you think you're going? The movie may be over... but we're not. Get your ass back here, babygirl.

The weather's getting nasty. Why don't you spend the night and Netflix & chill?

Something in your expression tells me you're in need of the kind of attention only I can give you in pleasure and relaxation.

You've had a rough day and you feel terrible, so you decide to take a long shower. It's been a while though, maybe I should check on you.

Ok. Let's make a deal. If you study now, we'll play together after.